Monday, July 6, 2009

If you're closed, don't say you're open

All of my preparing for South Korea has finally reached the point of no return. The background check came in. My wonderful, though Republican, state rep and his amazing secretary sent my background check off to Harrisburg and it has returned to me. All of this hullaballoo over the Apostille seal has produced a rather unimpressive piece of paper, stapled to my notarized background check, that magically makes the whole packet of shit official. Don't ask me, the Koreans make the rules.
The only thing, on my end, that stands between me and a visa is FedEx. So, I find my nearest FedEx, check their hours, mapquest them, and, with 45 minutes till they close, I head out the door. I make it to FedEx, with minimal confusion and fifteen minutes to spare. The hours are posted on their big glass door, sandwiched between a friendly, "Come on in! We are open" sign and a glowing neon FedEx sign. Everything is as it should be. Everything, for once, seems to be going my way. The sun shining on me, full of confidence, and in a great mood I stroll up to the door, grab the handle, take half a step, and barely manage to keep myself from walking face first into their LOCKED door.
Now, I get that it's the day after the weekend of the 4th. If the person at FedEx is a good American, they have spent the weekend drunkenly celebrating our nation. Probably they celebrated yesterday just to make sure that the USA understood that drinking beer=patriotism and drinking beer the day after the 4th of July=super patriotism. If this is the case, then I completly forgive them for ducking out of work early. After all, no one wants to work off their patriotic hangover by shipping packages. But come on, was it just too much to ask that your store front reflect your closed status? Was it really so hard to flip the sign as you locked the door? I almost brained myself trying to open that door, and that is very unpatriotic.


  1. Not all Republicans are Dick Cheney Darth Vader-like cold blooded heartless bastards....just most of us:)

  2. I think that's the funniest thing you have ever said?

  3. Todd, to hear (see?) you openly admit that Dick Cheney is Darth Vader-like, cold blooded, heartless and a bastard (you forgot evil liar, but whatever) is priceless.

    And Becca, some Republicans don't kick their puppies or try to exorcise the gay-demon out of their kids. Let's give our rep the benefit of the doubt, at least until he goes missing because he's having an extramarital, homosexual affair with a pot smoking, illegal, Mexican abortion doctor. love you!

  4. Your rep, Jim, isn't married so your scenario is highly unlikely.....though I hear he has a fondness for Mexicans.